Every once and awhile I need a good rant. Today would be one of those days. Living with your family can have its ups and downs. It definitely provides opportunity for things when money is an issue. But it also has its downside, especially when you have a family like mine. After working a full 40 hour week last week, The first I have seen that many hours in awhile. I was looking forward to a more relaxed week this week. Monday was my first day off in 9 days, and even then by the middle of the day I was wishing Id get called in.
My sister, Lord knows I love her. But she frustrates me the most. Yesterday, she had asked me to watch my nephews. With the understanding I would have some help. Because they needed to go grocery shopping. So I said I would. I may have been wrong in a sense too but long story short, that doesn't give her the right to say to me what she did. She knows Ive done a lot to help her with Shawn and Ive helped her a lot with Ricky. So I told her that she could take the boys with her when she left, because after the comment she made to me she was on her own. It really hurt that she said such a thing after all I do for her. It will be some time before I do her any favors for awhile. She asked me tonight if Id watch the boys for her. I told her I was busy. Of course she got mad, but thats the way it is. I honestly dont mind helping her when she really needs help. I don't have kids yet for that reason. Im not ready. Maybe someday I dont know yet. Its not totally out of the question but at this point in my life I have too much I want to do first.
Anyway, Im not going to take them for her everytime she just wants to take off and do something. I love my nephews dearly ,but my sister is not ready to be a mother. She does very well but she needs to also gain something from the whole experience. Because she hasnt learned anything. Maybe that is why we are so different.  I've slowly begun to put money away to move away someday. But it doesnt seem to be getting me anywhere fast.  I know it will all pay off when I finally get there, But its just getting there....

Even though I don't consider Valentines Day to be a real holiday, because I believe in showing the person you are with you care all the time. This for once should be a holiday I look forward to, instead Im dreading it because I dont even know where my own relationship is. Ive already spent too much time thinking about it and what I should do. Im still trying to find answers. Mostly to find peace for myself. Hopefully, That will happen. In the meantime, I can just get by...

It has been awhile since I have done any kind of writing. Months since I have been to my own site here. Some things just get away from you and before you know it. So much time has gone by and you look back and think. What have I been doing all this time. Life happens. It gets in the way and just fills up the time so you barely have a moment for yourself. To sit back and just reflect on things. Or just enjoy a moments peace and quiet.

Working part time does have its benefits, I admit .But it also has its downfalls as well. You have more time for yourself. But less money. Working part time is not really by choice. Its just what I can find that is a steady source of income. No matter how much or how little. While I am working on pursuing other things, such as my writing.  And though I have been in a bit of a writer's drought.  Its been building, and I know soon I will be filled with a source of inspiration that will send the thoughts flowing again. Its just a matter of time and being patient. As difficult as that can be. And trust me, it is hard.

I have this terrible habit of multi - tasking. Which for most people can be a fairly easy thing to do. Especially when it comes to being a writer. I start one project, get stuck in a bit of  rut, and start something else to give my mind a break from the first one. Then when I eventually go back to it I am ready to pick up where I left off. Right now I am still in the process of working on the third poetry book. I was hoping to get finished by the end of September. That doesnt look like its going to happen. I am not going to stress out about it because I have no set time or anything to finish it. I just want to get it finished.  So my new goal will be to have it ready by the end of October. So that I can get busy on the Anthology to follow up on that. My first two books are selling better. Which I am grateful for, but it is a slow process. Now that I am with new self- publishing company. I have more control of my books and I definitely like that better. They are both found at http://www.lulu.com/fawnmccurdy for anyone that would happen to run across my blog and has an interest in dark poetry.

Once my next two poetry books are finished. I plan on starting a childrens book that I would like to have finished in time for my nephew's next birthday in January.  That is something I start tinkering around with while I am working on the other two. Planning it out and such and see where it goes.

Things in my personal life are slowly getting better. I'm learning to accept things for aht they are for myself and I know where I am going in life. No matter how long it takes for me to get there. I at least have direction.